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Saturday, November 16, 2019

Quit trying to be liked

I frequently head to the local coffee shop to work, strategize, clear my head, and enjoy a nice beverage. My last trip provided a perfect lesson for one of my emails…
I walked up to the line. A young woman was in front of me. She was clearly waiting to order but was standing a good 15 feet from the cashier for some reason.
I didn’t want to be rude, so I didn’t say anything.
She didn’t move.
So I waited.
And waited some more.
Then a different woman walked toward the cashier from another part of the shop. She was about to skip the small line that formed a foul shot’s distance from the barista.
The horror!
Before making it to the cashier, she noticed our distant, 2-person line.
My eyes must have flashed, “No cuts!” because she quickly rerouted to the back of our odd line.
Finally the girl in front made the long, 5-yard journey to the counter.
That was odd enough, but what happened next really caught my attention…
After ordering, the second woman –the one who almost budged in line- came up to me and tapped my shoulder.
“I’m really sorry,” she said with a sad and apologetic smile. “I really wasn’t trying to cut. I thought maybe you all had ordered.”
I told her not to worry about it.
She replied, “I just don’t want you to think I’m a rude person.”
I had never seen this woman before in my life, and she cared whether or not I thought she was a rude person?!?
As humans, our need to be liked and accepted by others is a tremendously deep-rooted desire. It’s part of our wiring as social beings.
Sociology, psychology, and the like address these matters in great depth for a reason.
Please step back for a second and reflect on this.
So many financial advisors I talk to try to position their likeability as the main offering to their prospects.
Listen, at the end of the day, clients don’t care.
castor-abbott-liked
You might be the most good-natured person in the industry, but clients want solutions to their particular problems above all else.
Charm and good bedside manner are important, but they are not the be-all, end-all.
Think of it this way: why politely hold the door for people at the hospital when you can carry them into the ER yourself?
That will make all the difference.

- Mark Ford